Am I A Bad Kid? | Little Rock Child Photographer

Yesterday was one of those days.  I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  We were out of milk.  And coffee.  It’s July, almost August.  Scorching hot.  There’s tons of work to get done.  It’s been a long summer.  Quarters are a little cramped.  Tempers get a little testy.  You know . . . one of those days.

The bad mood must have been contagious because my girls were at each other from the moment their feet hit the floor.  I separated them, tried to distract them with various activities, begged and pleaded . . . all to no avail.  The bickering and whining and tattling went on all day.   By 7:00, I was at the end of my rope.  There was one last argument, so I instructed both girls to pick up their toys in the living room and get ready for bed.  I couldn’t take it any more.  The 7yo promptly threw a screaming, stomping fit.  I reacted.  Harshly.  Much too harshly.  And sent them both to bed.  Bawling.

I went back to work in my room.  I was sitting at the computer editing about an hour later when I heard the tiniest voice behind me.  ”Mom,” it asked, “am I a bad kid?”

Gulp.

Tears.

Shame.

In my anger and frustration, I had made this girl . . . this precious, perfect girl . . . feel like she was the problem.

I was heart-broken. And, I asked myself, “Am I a bad mother?”

I hugged my girl tighter than ever before and assured her that she was not a bad kid, that she was anything but a bad kid.  I apologized for losing my temper and explained that I was the one who had acted badly.  I think she understood.  I hope she understood.

You see, I want more than anything for my girls to feel worthy—worthy of love, worthy of respect, worthy of happiness—and I fell down on the job last night.  I am so grateful that today is a new day and that I have an opportunity to be better and do better.  Because they deserve it.

So, am I a bad mother?  Of course not.  A little harried and on edge a lot of the time?  Sure.  But, I’m working on it.  Because I’m worthy, too.

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